Grace Under Stress

This morning, as early as 6:15 AM, I’ve been receiving updates from the IRIS (transpo) app on my phone that there’s a train fault in the North East line. What a bummer, because this is my daily route. It’s only my first week in my new job and I certainly don’t want to be late. Naturally, I hurried up, anticipating the possible delay. We left the house fifteen minutes earlier than usual, so I was thinking I could probably still reach the office by 8:30. E and I walked to the bus stop right across our block, and thankfully there’s bus 43 that could bring us to Serangoon station. One-north is the nearest station to my office, and it’s just a straight 25-minute train ride from Serangoon. It all sounded great in my head, until bus 43 arrived — super packed, with literally no room even for one additional passenger. There were shuttle buses available, but those were filled to the brim as well. Anxiety and stress kicked in sooner than I wanted to. How dyahe to be late on my first week at work. I reminded myself that this is a situation that is beyond my control, so stressing over it is absolutely useless.

Fifteen minutes later, another bus 43 came, and this time it could fit in the passengers waiting at our bus stop. Hallelujah!!! But why are we moving at such a slooowwww speed? Is that a traffic jam building up?? What happened to the very systematic and efficient transportation system that this country is known for? UGHHHH. At this point, it felt like the universe was conspiring against me. OA and exagg, yes, but it seriously got me so stressed! :( Thank heavens, my husband — my stress-reliever, the voice of reason in my life — was with me. He told me to calm down and just pray. It sure is easier said than done. But the fact is, worrying and stressing out wouldn’t change anything.

So what’s the best thing to do in a time like this? I chose to look at the brighter side. I thanked God for the good weather. Imagine if there was a heavy downpour while people are walking to the nearest MRT station that is not affected by the power outage. Oh my, it would have definitely sucked so bad. I thanked God that there’s a bus stop just across our HDB, and that there’s bus 43 (going to Serangoon MRT) there. Otherwise, we would have been one of those people who had to take a loooong walk under the scorching heat of the sun. I thanked God that even if we were stuck in traffic, at least we were sitting comfortably inside the air-conditioned bus. I could just imagine how BUGNOT I would have been! Hahaha! I thanked God for the IRIS app, otherwise I would have taken my sweet time preparing, had I not known beforehand that there was a train fault, and I would have been even more late than I already was. And of course, I thanked God for my handsome (among other adjectives I could use to describe him, haha) husband who soooo patiently dealt with me and my ridiculous stress levels! Praise God for you, my love!

I reached the office at 8:45. Fifteen minutes late. And I walked into an EMPTY office. Hah! So I was actually stressing out over NOTHING! Hahaha. What I am most grateful for is the grace that enabled me to see brighter side of things, despite the (unreasonable) stress and anxiousness. :)

The Magic of Beginnings

Two weeks ago, I tendered my resignation from my current post in the company I have worked for the past two years. I haven’t secured a new job yet when I resigned. I know it’s not exactly a pragmatic move. It’s actually stupid in a way, because it would mean jumping into a sea of uncertainty. However, it wasn’t decided on impulse. I have been praying for it for months, so I believe that it’s a well-guided decision. I admit that it was scary as hell. At first, it was all relief, that finally I can focus on my search for “greener pastures”. But thinking of the what-ifs sort of made me panic. What if I’ll be out of job for too long? I’d definitely go crazy. What if we wipe out our funds before I find a new job? How will we survive here in Singapore? And the list goes on…

I didn’t like the feeling, and it was the total opposite of the unwavering faith in God that I am striving to have, so I decided to give myself a little flashback to the many other instances He had saved me and Erick. We’ve been in similar situations before. How could I forget the prayers that have been answered in a timing that couldn’t be more perfect? How could I forget how each detour ultimately led us to His answers? How could I forget the small and big miracles He has done in my life?

Remembering all these led me to ask myself how could I even doubt God and His greatness. I felt ashamed of myself. So I apologized to God, and I could almost hear him say to me, “My child, why are you still worrying when you have already prayed?” I teared up because I know in my heart that it is definitely God speaking.

Tomorrow is my first day in my new job. My heart is filled with gratitude for this answered prayer. My great God has once again orchestrated everything to fall into their proper places just for me. I am so blessed to be a recipient of His inexhaustible grace.

This whole experience re-emphasized to me that:

1. Worrying is completely useless. When you pray for something, trust that God has control over it and He’s got everything taken care of. I read somewhere that SURRENDER is God’s love language. That’s exactly what we need to do — surrender all our worries, anxieties, pains, fears unto the Lord because He knows what He’s doing.

2. Don’t be afraid to take risks. As I mentioned earlier, I haven’t secured a new job yet when I resigned from my previous job. I just had this nagging feeling that I couldn’t shake off, so in my mind, I really HAD TO do it – by hook or by crook. I was praying “Lord, Kayo na po ang bahala.” over and over again. When I listed down the reasons why I was resigning and concluded that the situation I was in is not what God wants for me, that’s when I found the courage to do it. I’d like to believe that the courageous ones — those who are not afraid to jump into a sea of uncertainty without a life vest — are being rewarded by the Lord. :)

3. Have a grateful heart, no matter what. When the struggles and frustrations at work were on its all-time high, I was feeling demoralized and unmotivated. I knew I had to do something to prevent it from tarnishing the other aspects of my life. I am so grateful that God has given me the grace to continue reading my daily devotionals from Joseph Prince, Joyce Meyer, and Rick Warren. I was inspired by these devotionals to always see the brighter side of things. And that despite the struggles, there is always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for. The more I made a conscious effort to focus more on the things that make me happy, the more capable I became to overlook the unpleasant parts of my life. Having the attitude of gratitude puts things in perspective.

Although I’ve learned all these in theory over the years, I sometimes forget how to apply it in real life. I am grateful that a ‘dark’ phase in my life made me re-learn these three important things. It is only through God’s grace that something horrible could turn into something beautiful.

I admit I am a bit anxious of the adjustment I need to go through, but I am also excited to learn more and work with intelligent and hardworking people. I am in this for the long haul. And so, I pray that I will be able to honor and glorify God through the work of my hands in this new company that He has blessed me with. I pray for the new relationships that I will be building. I pray that my wisdom and knowledge that will be made full use in my new role. I pray that I will be able to grow professionally and personally. I pray that I may be a blessing to my new colleagues.