My husband and I almost got into a huge fight today. We're moving to a new place in two weeks, so we spent our Saturday afternoon sorting and packing some of our stuff. My husband apologized to the prospective tenant for having to view our room while it was in a state of mess. When the guy left, I told my husband that he shouldn't have apologized -- well, we're moving out soon, what can he expect?? A messy room, NATURALLY.
It obviously upset him. I sensed the tension in his tone as he asked what's the point of telling him off, when it clearly wouldn't change anything anymore. It got me so annoyed because I thought it was such a condescending response from him. I expressed that I didn't deserve to be responded to that way because what I said was just so simple and straightforward. He said that he was offended. To which I replied that correcting him was not meant to offend him. And I went on to accuse him of having double standards because he has corrected me in the past, but I never took offense to it. Can you imagine how irked he was at that point? (In hindsight, comparing myself with him was even worse) You see, it's a struggle for my husband to make a rebuttal when he's at the peak of his emotions. He has to be calm and composed to gather his thoughts. Of course, that seems impossible when you're in the moment of dealing with anger. His inability to "counter-attack" immediately would seriously frustrate him, which would lead to a major drama-filled argument. In the contrary, I am always ready with an answer. E says it's like I'm unleashing my inner lawyer/debater whenever we argue. Oops.
I stayed silent and tried to ignore him as he whimpered to himself. I was expecting him to confront me again, so I was sort of 'preparing' in my head. About five minutes later, he called me: "Baby..." in a very calm tone. To my surprise, he asked me to lay down beside him. As much as I was touched by his unexpected mood shift in such a short span of time, I also felt guilty for thinking the worse of him. So I lay down beside him and he just embraced me without saying a word. Two minutes later, he explained why he felt offended earlier. Turns out, my correction was said in a harsh tone. I felt so embarrassed for not even realizing it! E explained that he was just trying to be polite to the prospective tenant, that's why he apologized. He said that he could have humbly accepted my correction if it was said in a nicer tone.
I felt so bad realizing how careless I was that I've hurt my husband's feelings. I hugged him so tightly and said sorry for my words and actions that were uncalled for. He hugged me back and kissed me on the forehead. Thank You Lord for blessing me with a forgiving husband.
Our little argument could have snowballed into something worse, but my husband chose to initiate a gracious way of settling our misunderstanding -- even if it's not his fault. I WAS DEEPLY HUMBLED. This experience taught me these things:
1. Do not assume the worst of your partner. He/She deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt. Remember, loving a person means always having his/her best interests at heart.
2. The way you say something makes all the difference. I think the quote below best explains this.
3. You can initiate to make amends even if you are not at fault. Being able to do this is a sign of humility and maturity. It also says a lot about just how much you love your partner, giving more importance to your relationship than your hurt feelings.
4. It is important in a marriage to be good forgivers. I pray to have a heart that is always willing to ask for forgiveness, as well as to forgive. Whenever I struggle in this area, I think about Jesus and how many times He has forgiven us despite committing the same sins over and over again. If Jesus can forgive THAT much -- considering that He took our place on the cross and saved us from our sins -- then why can't we, more so the person we love most?
