The One Where I'm a Charlotte

A few days ago, I chanced upon Sex and the City the movie on HBO. I remember one of my girl friends remarked that I’m “such a Charlotte”, as we compared our mannerisms to that of the characters’.

Samantha: Relationships aren’t just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte: Every day.
Samantha: Every day?
Charlotte: Well, not all day every day – but yes, every day.

I loved that quote. I think she described my relationship perfectly. Sometimes I get easily upset at something my husband said or did, and we may fight over the most stupid things. But those moments are just bits and pieces, few and far between. I am genuinely happy (happiest) when I’m with him. Every day. Not all day, every day, but definitely every day.

There was another scene where she’s in bed with Harry after a long day of hearing about everyone else’s failed relationships. She looks at him and says something to the effect of, “Thank you for being you.” Simple, sweet, and totally melted my heart.

At another point in the movie, she has one of her little freak-outs, and talks about how there’s no way things could go so well for one person, and she’s just waiting for something terrible to happen. This same thing lurks at the back of my mind sometimes. My life has had its ups and downs, but for the most part, it’s been so easy, so amazing, and things have just fallen into place. Despite whatever impending terribleness that may lie ahead, the kind of life where you’re able to think ‘there’s no way things can go so well’ is one that I’m quite blessed to be living.

I am now embracing my inner Charlotte, and it felt really good to just step back and realize how beautiful things are, how incredible my life has been, how blessed I am. I hope to never take this for granted.

Grace Under Stress

This morning, as early as 6:15 AM, I’ve been receiving updates from the IRIS (transpo) app on my phone that there’s a train fault in the North East line. What a bummer, because this is my daily route. It’s only my first week in my new job and I certainly don’t want to be late. Naturally, I hurried up, anticipating the possible delay. We left the house fifteen minutes earlier than usual, so I was thinking I could probably still reach the office by 8:30. E and I walked to the bus stop right across our block, and thankfully there’s bus 43 that could bring us to Serangoon station. One-north is the nearest station to my office, and it’s just a straight 25-minute train ride from Serangoon. It all sounded great in my head, until bus 43 arrived — super packed, with literally no room even for one additional passenger. There were shuttle buses available, but those were filled to the brim as well. Anxiety and stress kicked in sooner than I wanted to. How dyahe to be late on my first week at work. I reminded myself that this is a situation that is beyond my control, so stressing over it is absolutely useless.

Fifteen minutes later, another bus 43 came, and this time it could fit in the passengers waiting at our bus stop. Hallelujah!!! But why are we moving at such a slooowwww speed? Is that a traffic jam building up?? What happened to the very systematic and efficient transportation system that this country is known for? UGHHHH. At this point, it felt like the universe was conspiring against me. OA and exagg, yes, but it seriously got me so stressed! :( Thank heavens, my husband — my stress-reliever, the voice of reason in my life — was with me. He told me to calm down and just pray. It sure is easier said than done. But the fact is, worrying and stressing out wouldn’t change anything.

So what’s the best thing to do in a time like this? I chose to look at the brighter side. I thanked God for the good weather. Imagine if there was a heavy downpour while people are walking to the nearest MRT station that is not affected by the power outage. Oh my, it would have definitely sucked so bad. I thanked God that there’s a bus stop just across our HDB, and that there’s bus 43 (going to Serangoon MRT) there. Otherwise, we would have been one of those people who had to take a loooong walk under the scorching heat of the sun. I thanked God that even if we were stuck in traffic, at least we were sitting comfortably inside the air-conditioned bus. I could just imagine how BUGNOT I would have been! Hahaha! I thanked God for the IRIS app, otherwise I would have taken my sweet time preparing, had I not known beforehand that there was a train fault, and I would have been even more late than I already was. And of course, I thanked God for my handsome (among other adjectives I could use to describe him, haha) husband who soooo patiently dealt with me and my ridiculous stress levels! Praise God for you, my love!

I reached the office at 8:45. Fifteen minutes late. And I walked into an EMPTY office. Hah! So I was actually stressing out over NOTHING! Hahaha. What I am most grateful for is the grace that enabled me to see brighter side of things, despite the (unreasonable) stress and anxiousness. :)

The Magic of Beginnings

Two weeks ago, I tendered my resignation from my current post in the company I have worked for the past two years. I haven’t secured a new job yet when I resigned. I know it’s not exactly a pragmatic move. It’s actually stupid in a way, because it would mean jumping into a sea of uncertainty. However, it wasn’t decided on impulse. I have been praying for it for months, so I believe that it’s a well-guided decision. I admit that it was scary as hell. At first, it was all relief, that finally I can focus on my search for “greener pastures”. But thinking of the what-ifs sort of made me panic. What if I’ll be out of job for too long? I’d definitely go crazy. What if we wipe out our funds before I find a new job? How will we survive here in Singapore? And the list goes on…

I didn’t like the feeling, and it was the total opposite of the unwavering faith in God that I am striving to have, so I decided to give myself a little flashback to the many other instances He had saved me and Erick. We’ve been in similar situations before. How could I forget the prayers that have been answered in a timing that couldn’t be more perfect? How could I forget how each detour ultimately led us to His answers? How could I forget the small and big miracles He has done in my life?

Remembering all these led me to ask myself how could I even doubt God and His greatness. I felt ashamed of myself. So I apologized to God, and I could almost hear him say to me, “My child, why are you still worrying when you have already prayed?” I teared up because I know in my heart that it is definitely God speaking.

Tomorrow is my first day in my new job. My heart is filled with gratitude for this answered prayer. My great God has once again orchestrated everything to fall into their proper places just for me. I am so blessed to be a recipient of His inexhaustible grace.

This whole experience re-emphasized to me that:

1. Worrying is completely useless. When you pray for something, trust that God has control over it and He’s got everything taken care of. I read somewhere that SURRENDER is God’s love language. That’s exactly what we need to do — surrender all our worries, anxieties, pains, fears unto the Lord because He knows what He’s doing.

2. Don’t be afraid to take risks. As I mentioned earlier, I haven’t secured a new job yet when I resigned from my previous job. I just had this nagging feeling that I couldn’t shake off, so in my mind, I really HAD TO do it – by hook or by crook. I was praying “Lord, Kayo na po ang bahala.” over and over again. When I listed down the reasons why I was resigning and concluded that the situation I was in is not what God wants for me, that’s when I found the courage to do it. I’d like to believe that the courageous ones — those who are not afraid to jump into a sea of uncertainty without a life vest — are being rewarded by the Lord. :)

3. Have a grateful heart, no matter what. When the struggles and frustrations at work were on its all-time high, I was feeling demoralized and unmotivated. I knew I had to do something to prevent it from tarnishing the other aspects of my life. I am so grateful that God has given me the grace to continue reading my daily devotionals from Joseph Prince, Joyce Meyer, and Rick Warren. I was inspired by these devotionals to always see the brighter side of things. And that despite the struggles, there is always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for. The more I made a conscious effort to focus more on the things that make me happy, the more capable I became to overlook the unpleasant parts of my life. Having the attitude of gratitude puts things in perspective.

Although I’ve learned all these in theory over the years, I sometimes forget how to apply it in real life. I am grateful that a ‘dark’ phase in my life made me re-learn these three important things. It is only through God’s grace that something horrible could turn into something beautiful.

I admit I am a bit anxious of the adjustment I need to go through, but I am also excited to learn more and work with intelligent and hardworking people. I am in this for the long haul. And so, I pray that I will be able to honor and glorify God through the work of my hands in this new company that He has blessed me with. I pray for the new relationships that I will be building. I pray that my wisdom and knowledge that will be made full use in my new role. I pray that I will be able to grow professionally and personally. I pray that I may be a blessing to my new colleagues.

No Other Name

Hello friends! I just want to share with you this song from Hillsong’s new album which was released just recently. Been playing this on repeat ever since I came to know this song. It has become my default morning worship song for about a week now, and I mean every single word in my heart of hearts. I love how it speaks of God’s sheer beauty and splendor, I am left in awe over and over again.

His face, shines brighter than the sun 

His grace, as boundless as his love

He reigns, with healing in his wings

The King above all kings

The greatest one of all

Truly, God’s power and greatness is incomparable. I love how the song gives us a clear picture of its extent. I will never get tired of singing praise for Him who is the source of everything that I have. It is my way of celebrating His constant presence in my life. Sometimes I feel that the words of praise in my prayers are inadequate because His love is just too overwhelming to put into words. It’s just really the way it is, and we have no choice but to bask in it. What a wonderful blessing and privilege it is to be recipients of God’s unearned, unmerited, and undeserved grace. And for that, I am infinitely grateful. :)

#100happydays

Last January, I stumbled upon a post on Facebook that grabbed my attention.

Can I truly be happy for 100 days in a row? With the motivation to find an answer to that question, I decided to sign up for the 100 Happy Days Challenge. 

I half-jokingly said that I might end up posting one hundred photos of my husband for this challenge because, well, he is obviously my major happy-maker. Haha :D But because God is so good and His love for me is immeasurable, I find myself with so much gratitude for so many things that make me happy every single day.

Truth be told, I had some inhibitions before I decided to go for the challenge. I didn’t want people to see my posts as mayabang, or something to that effect. Also, I didn’t want to be that annoying girl who exposes all the cheese and mush going on in her life — which might be over-sharing or TMI  for some. In the end, I decided that I will be doing this for no one else but myself. I liked the idea of documenting God’s goodness in my life through the #100happydays challenge. Besides, you can never go wrong when you’re spreading good vibes, right? You’ll never know, you might inspire others to do it too. :)

It has been an amazing 100 days of happiness — in simple and profound ways. Some days, happiness made its presence felt from start to end. Some days, happiness was elusive, that I needed to make an effort to find it. Yes, there were days when I worried that I won’t have an entry for my #100happydays challenge. So sue me for being shallow, haha. :P

Indeed, there is always, ALWAYS something to smile about and be thankful for, no matter how small or trivial it may seem. It may come in the form of an uplifting quote you stumbled upon the Internet, or a cute baby who smiled at you on the train, or a bar of chocolate. I guess it’s all about the mindset. It’s like, if I’m having yet another stressful day in the office, I try to counter the negativity by telling myself “That’s okay, I’ll do a FRIENDS marathon at home after all this crap!” It diverts my mind into something worth looking forward to, and puts me in a better mood. Okay, I’ll be honest here and say that this does not work all the time. There are days when it takes much more than a FRIENDS marathon to make me feel better, but I guess the key thing here is having the ability to look at the brighter side and still have a grateful heart despite life’s difficulties.

My #100happydays journey was mostly made of grand and small (but meaningful) gestures from my husband, newlywed adventures, messages of assurance from God, kitchen experiments, little victories in life, and quality time with people who matter to me. I am so glad I took this challenge. It helped me focus on the blessings that God has so generously bestowed upon me, especially on my low days. It made me fall in love with my life even more, and inspired me to treasure everything that I have with utmost care. Best of all, it also served as a testimony of God’s greatness and faithfulness in my life.

So to answer my question, yes, it is possible to be happy 100 days in a row. Beyond that, even. It may take a whole lot of ‘practice’ to adapt the right kind of mindset into a habit, but in my experience, it proved to be the secret to living a happy life. :)

Little Rays of Sunshine

• My mother is finally on Viber! She sent me a photo of a sunflower she drew on her Samsung phone just using her fingers. Haha. Miss her. I told her to install the 2048 game on her phone. Pero baka sisiw na yun sa kanya coz she’s so good in Sudoku.

• “Your report was eloquently written. Your grammar is flawless.” comment from our Head of Academic Quality :) :)

• ‘The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional’ by Gary Chapman. Learning so much from this book. Highly recommended to all married couples. 

• Weekend coming up! Yahoooo!

• ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ soundtrack on repeat. I’m in love with this playlist!

• Another very close friend moving to Sengkang soon. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again — Sengkang is the coolest neighborhood in Singapore. Hahaha :D

• Discovering new great blogs to read

• My daily dose of fresh fruit juice

• Positivity and possibilities. Planning for our next big step. This gets me sooo excited and inspired and motivated to work harder!

• Thanks to our finance-savvy friends, my husband and I are learning together about investments that we can consider.

• The attitude of gratitude <3

• Early morning banter while prepping for work. How lucky am I to get to experience this everyday, with the wittiest husband in the world to boot!

• Getting excited for our Manila trip next month :)

Happy weekend, friends and lovers!!!! :)

Spontaneous Reassurance

Hello! Sneaking in a quick post before I go to bed because what happened today is something that I must put into writing; something I want to remember until I’m old and gray.

I was having a lovely morning — had home-cooked brunch, then watched a couple of 2 Broke Girls episodes with the husband. I decided to make my Saturday a productive one by doing some office work. Wrong decision. It was all good, until I read an email that put me into such a bad mood. Now, this is not my ‘normal’ bad mood wherein I just keep quiet while waiting for the negative air to disappear. I was pounding on my keyboard as I crafted my response. Our housemates would have assumed that E and I were having a fight, judging my loud, angry voice as I told him about the mood-ruining email.

In an attempt to calm me down, my wonderful husband rubbed my back. In normal circumstances, his back rubs work magically in making my stress go away. Today, however, it didn’t. I can feel that he’s uneasy, and I understand how it can be frustrating for him when he can’t do anything to make me feel better in that moment. Yes, he’s the kind of guy whose goal is to make his wife happy at every chance he gets. He must have taken the mantra “Happy wife, happy life” a bit too seriously :D

At one point, he just kept quiet while I continued typing away on my laptop. Then, an all too familiar song started playing in the background. It’s OUR song. The song he played in his guitar when he proposed to me. When I turned my back, I saw him looking at me, smiling oh so adorably. “Do you recognize the song?”, he asked. OF COURSE. How can I not? Less than a minute into the song, my eyes were welling up with tears. Memories of the day he asked me to marry him came flashing in my mind. It’s impossible to stay angry when I was brought back to that day in my life where I have experienced joy in its purest form.

He sat beside me and gave me the most loving embrace. “I hope this will make you feel better. Smile ka na.” My heart melted. The outrage I was feeling earlier was instantly replaced with love, joy, and gratefulness. Oh, my sweet loving husband.

As much as we love and appreciate life-changing milestones, I guess the little things like this one is what really makes for a strong, solid foundation. The way he handled me at my ‘worst’ today says a lot about how he would manage when we are faced with more serious circumstances in our marriage. I am very, VERY grateful for this reassurance.

Okay, that’s it for today’s dose of cheese. Thank you for bearing with me. Haha, I should have warned you guys earlier on. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!! :)