Almost 4 Months

Dear Emilia,

You have learned to sleep through the night since last month. As much as I have long been waiting for you to sleep longer stretches at night, I honestly did not expect it to be this soon. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. Not at all. In fact, I am thankful - very, very thankful! I don't think I've slept for more than 3 hours straight since you were born, so I was really looking forward to this milestone. But you know what, I have not enjoyed my long-awaited extended sleeping hours yet. I know - crazy, right? But what can I do? Nothing makes me happier than watching you sleep.

I live for those moments when I catch you smiling or giggling in your sleep. I wonder what you're dreaming of. Sometimes you'd raise your arm and it stays up in the air for about 15 seconds. I don't know why you do it but it's so cute and funny.

You hate being swaddled (since birth actually) and the blanket annoys you that you kick it off profusely. You cry when you're hungry, but you cry much louder when the milk I give you falls short. My darling, you know what you like and dislike, and you make sure we know it. That's quite a feat for an almost 4-month-old.

I live for our 5am moments: You wake up, I feed you, you'd fall asleep again and I'd hold you on my chest for a while before putting you back into the bed/crib. What's supposed to be just 15 minutes would go on for at least an hour because I decide to hold you a little longer. At the back of my mind I think I could use this hour to catch up on sleep or do things that need to be done or spend some me-time. But then I realize you won't be this small forever. At the rate you're growing, it won't be too long before this position would get uncomfortable for the both of us. And so I hold you a little longer, always. I feel so thankful that God chose me to be your mommy.

I love you always, my little darling - whether you sleep through the night or not.

Month 1

Dear Emilia, 

I can't believe it has been a month since the day you came and changed my and your Dad's lives forever. You arrived three weeks earlier than expected, but your weight and height are just as good as a full-term baby's. I prayed that you would grow inside my womb until at least my 38th week and that I would be able to give birth to you naturally. These did not happen, but all for a good reason. I found out three days after your birth that you were born with your umbilical cord looped around your neck. God allowed my bag of waters to rupture prematurely on my 35th week so He could save you from extreme harm. Your birth is a miracle, my love. You are our little miracle. Your birth is a solid testament of God's goodness and faithfulness. My unanswered prayer is the reason why you are here with us now. Indeed, God knows what is best for us.

The past month went by so quickly! It has not been all that easy for the both of us - we are still adjusting and getting to know each other. But I am thankful that you are a relatively easy baby. You don't cry often, but when you do, you make sure everyone in the house knows! Your Lola Tess and Lolo Arnold would rush into our room worried because of your loud cry -- only to find out that you just want more milk. 

I'm very grateful that I recovered pretty quickly, so I was able to carry you without difficulty when we brought you home. I feel very lucky because your Dad and I are able to appease you almost immediately whenever you cry -- it's either you're hungry, your diaper is soiled, you want to be held, or currently being bathed. You cry hardest during bath time. Your Dad and I pray that you'd learn to love the water soon enough.  

Everyone says you look like your Daddy, and I sure am happy about it. I think you got your sweetness from him too. I love how you'd touch my face whenever I feed you and how you'd give me a sleepy-smile after, as though saying "Thank you mommy." Your Dad adores you and takes very good care of the both of us. He changes your diapers, sings and dances for you until you fall asleep, and if he could breastfeed you, I'm sure he totally would. We are blessed beyond words to have such a loving and dedicated man in our lives. We're lucky girls, you and I. 

Everything is a production number lately -- leaving the house (even just for a pedia appointment), bathing you, changing a poop-filled diaper. Don't worry, my darling, I am learning to make things more efficient as we go along. 

Ah, yes, learning. I've been learning so much these days -- honestly sometimes more than I could handle. The past month was about me learning to be a mother to you, my love. To be a good mother is a different story. It will take time, but please know that I am trying my hardest to be one for you, so I hope you'll be patient with me :) What I love most is learning about you -- your various facial expressions, what each kind of cry means, your most comfortable sleeping position, what irritates you... everything. It brings me great joy knowing every little thing about you. 

It's crazy how so much can change in just a month! Our lives revolve around you now, my little one. You are our life. 

I love you so much you have no idea. 

Love,

Mommy

I'm a Mommy

It's official. I am now a mommy. I am someone's mother. Wow, it all sounds so surreal to me. Nine months went by just like that, and here we are. I will write about my birth story when we have settled nicely. In the meantime, here are some photos of our daughter (seriously surreal!) :)

Pouting already at 2 days old, hahaha!

Isn't she lovely?

Yummy and pretty Estrel's cake from Ninang Kat and Ninong Christian :)

Aaaaaahhhhh my heart!!!!! So much love!

My husband and I with our little miracle ♥︎

I also want to take this opportunity to honor my husband for the amazing love and support he has showered me with from the day we found out about my pregnancy until the day I gave birth. I really could not have done this without him. 

Thank You Lord for the gift of our daughter Emilia. We are now a family of three :) Praise God!

31 weeks

...and looking like I just swallowed a whole watermelon, hahaha! I've been waddling like a penguin, but the truth is, this is the sexiest and most beautiful I've ever felt (my husband telling me EVERYDAY that pregnancy makes me look glowing accounts for a lot of it, haha). The way this pregnancy is going is too good to be true. Everyday I thank God for this journey that I am loving every single second of.

We went for a 4D scan last week and we're thrilled to see our baby in a more detailed image! 

The sonographer said she could have captured better stills if Emilia wasn't positioned so cozily in my uterine wall. But I'm pretty pleased with what we got - and judging from these images, our little girl looks a lot like her Daddy :) 

So thankful to have scored cheap Singapore Airlines tickets. 17 more days until E and I fly back home! It feels so surreal having to prepare to GIVE BIRTH. I cannot believe that I am THISCLOSE to living my greatest dream - to be a mother. I cannot say this enough: THANK YOU LORD! 

Final Stretch

Let me start this post by announcing that we are having a baby GIRL! We found out on Week 20 during the Fetal Anomaly scan. When the ultrasound lady said "It's a girl", my heart did flips, and I was speechless. E and I grinned at each other and it just felt...right.

We are absolutely thrilled and blessed and so, so thankful! Not just that we get to have a daughter, but that she is healthy, growing, and kicking away at my bladder all the livelong day. As you may have probably guessed, I have started daydreaming about cute little shoes and picturing my husband having tea parties with stuffed animals. Aaaaaahhhh, my heart :)

It has been over 3 months since my last post, and now I am entering the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. I often ask myself HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SO FAST?! I cannot wait to meet my baby, but at the same time, I do not want this pregnancy to end because I've been at the receiving end of so much love and kindness from people around me (friends and strangers alike) since I got pregnant. (Also, admittedly, I am worried about how I'd handle labor pains considering that I have very low pain threshold - but that's another story)

Me and my 6 and a half months baby bump :) Pic taken on Valentine's Day at Haji Lane

I am so thankful that I am having a fairly smooth pregnancy so far. A lot of people can't believe that I did not have any morning sickness at all. From the start of my pregnancy until now, I am happy to report that I am able to do things and move around as per normal. Well, probably just a little slower in walking now, because my baby is getting heavier by the day. Everything's right on track so far, I do not need to take any special medication, and I'm gaining a healthy amount of weight (actually much lesser than expected - which is a surprise to me because I am not cutting down on my food intake). I have not encountered any kind of intolerable pain, just leg cramps in the middle of the night when I was on Week 22 -- which was easily dissipated by my husband's massages and by doing ankle stretches throughout the day.

I am so thankful for being able to experience the kind of pregnancy that I actually ENJOY. Like what I told my husband, I do adore every minute of being pregnant. One time when I was about to fall asleep on my desk at work, my baby kicked me and jolted me awake. This baby has impeccable timing, and she's not yet even born! Haha. I love not ever having to feel alone because this ninja baby has her way of reminding me that she's here inside my tummy. I love how during story time, she'll kick upon hearing her Dad's voice. She's going to be such a Daddy's girl, I'm sure of it :)

I am so thankful that I have lots of mommy friends who are very generous in giving not only advices, but also unused/pre-loved baby stuff. My sister who just gave birth last December promised to share with me everything she knows about how to care for a newborn baby. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I am glad I have the best tribe I could ever ask for.

I am so thankful that my husband purposely immersed himself in this pregnancy. He prepares healthy meals for me, massages my feet and back, carries things for me, and has really extended his patience with me (hello, wild mood swings!). Basically, he makes everything easier and more convenient for me as much as possible. He says it's the least he can do since it's HIS child I am carrying after all ;-)

I couldn't be more amazed and in awe of how blessed this pregnancy has been! Whenever I start to panic or stress over how unprepared and inadequate I feel I am, I will keep in mind that God has been preparing me for this even before the slightest hint of having a baby crossed my mind. My baby and I are blessed beyond words, and for that, I am very, VERY thankful.

Why Daddy Will Be Your Favorite

As difficult as it is for me to concede defeat in anything (of which my husband has become painfully aware over the years, haha), I reluctantly admitted today that our future child is going to like his/her Daddy more than me. Happy Birthday to my amazing husband.

Why Daddy will be your favorite:

1. He gets giddy whenever we talk about you in a way I’ve never seen him get giddy about anything before. He already talks about the things he want to teach you, places he want to bring you to, games he want to play with you — and you aren’t even here yet!

2. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. Stress doesn’t phase him. He doesn’t yell. He never lets negative emotions or insecurities get the best of him. His priorities are 100% sorted out, and you’re at the top of the list.

3. He is just plain fun. He’s just plain funny. He’s going to have you laughing even when you think you should be embarrassed by him. He’s going to make you laugh whether you want to or not. I have lots of personal experience with this one.

4. He provides for us. He works hard, he’s good at what he does, and he’s generous with his money. He’ll buy you that extra scoop of ice cream whenever you want it, and will most likely start saving up for your college education even before you learn how to talk. I feel so confident that you will not be deprived of anything due to lack of finances, and someday when you’re old enough, you’ll appreciate this just as much as I do.

5. He won’t hold his breath at any chance of you hurting yourself. He’ll let you do crazy things that I would probably never let you do, and he won’t flap his hands screeching, “be careful be careful be careful!!!” like I probably will. But I will dress you better, keep in mind!

6. He’s a man of God who is wholeheartedly after what God is after. He prays for you everyday already and absolutely cannot wait to teach you the reason why we pray someday.

7. He will happily buy you the toys that you want, being a toy lover himself. This will probably be an issue someday, because I’m a books-over-toys kind of mom. I’m sure this will be reason enough for you to think that your Dad is the coolest guy on earth. And honestly, I wouldn’t disagree with you.

8. He has a wide collection of Walt Disney movies and is already excited to watch them with you. He’s also already very excited to read stories to you while doing all the voices and actions. He’s a very animated storyteller, which makes him an awesome one. Secretly, this kind of stuff is the reason why he’s MY favorite too.

Why you’ll still love Mommy a lot:

1. I picked him for us :)

To our little darling

Dear Baby,

Once you've arrived and life becomes busier than ever, I promise to remember these moments.

When I first found out about you. Seeing you for the first time, even though you were only the size of a peanut. The first time I felt you flutter. All the times you've kept me company during a long day at work, each morning in bed before the alarm rings, or whenever I'm feeling just a little bit lonely. The way you've planted yourself into every minute of my day, reminding me that you're there. The peace you've brought to my crazy mind. The way you've already filled me with so much more love than I ever imagined possible.

I promise to be thankful for you every day. To always count my blessings. To learn each and every little thing about you. To cherish each of those first days, weeks, months. To take each moment as it comes and strive for joy, not perfection.

I promise to remember that story-time can sometimes be the best part of the day, that imagination is sometimes a little more important than real life. I promise to teach you to read, to sing, to color inside (and sometimes outside) the lines. I promise to be there for each new moment in your new life. I promise you will always feel safe, loved, and needed.

When you arrive, my life will be forever changed. I wonder what the rest of the journey to your birth will be like. I wonder what sort of toes you'll have, what your cry will sound like, what it will feel like to kiss your forehead, whether you will have your Daddy's eyes or mine.

And I absolutely, completely and entirely can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Mommy

New Rules

Since the day we found out that I'm pregnant, my husband has been super protective of me, to the point of being OA (Hahaha! Peace, my love!!!) -- but adorably so! I totally understand where he's coming from. We have prayed for this baby for a long time, and of course, my husband wants to make sure that we are both doing everything that we can to have a happy, safe, and healthy pregnancy.

Last month, just a week after we found out about my pregnancy, we had a problem with our kitchen drainage which caused leakage on our kitchen floor. I found this note in the middle of the night when I got up to pee. My sweet husband just had to remind me to be cautious in walking to the bathroom. On a separate note, I was delighted to see his cursive handwriting for the first time. Hehehehe :)

And so, here are the new rules imposed by my husband, the soon-to-be strict Dad :)

1. When going to the bathroom, always bring my phone with me. (Because, you know, just in case I slip or see a cockroach, I can call him for help. No need to scream for the whole neighborhood to hear.)
2. When using the stairs, always hold on to the hand rail -- even if it's probably full of germs and bacteria. Which brings me to the next point...
3. Spray isopropyl alcohol all over my hands after holding on to hand rails.
4. Use a mask in crowded places so I won't catch any kind of virus. 
5. When alighting from the MRT, don't join the crowd in rushing into the escalator. Wait until the crowd subsides. 

I think my husband is so cute for being so strict like this. When he knows I'm on my way home, he'd ask for a selfie just to make sure that I have my mask on while on the bus or train. The past couple of months made me appreciate my husband even more. I feel so blessed and thankful for having such a loving, caring, and protective partner in life. If his actions now are any indication of the kind of father he will become, then I can confidently say that our kids are very lucky. THANK YOU LORD!

SG50

My second home, Singapore, is celebrating its 50th year of independence today. I had to strike off the word 'second' in the first sentence as Singapore has become more than just a 'second' home to me -- it is my home -- for now, at least. Don't get me wrong, I am not abandoning my beloved home country. The Philippines is still and will always home to me as well. I guess I am fortunate enough to have two wonderful places that I can call 'home'.

To Singapore, the place I consider God's 'Promised Land' to me -- I have so many things to thank you for. I came here for better career opportunities, but you gave me much, much more than that. In this place I found my lifelong friends, the love of my life, and... myself. More importantly, it is in this beautiful place where I really found God and built a relationship with Him. This is where I took my faith to the next level.

Thank you, Singapore. Only God knows how many more years will I spend living here. I will always, ALWAYS be thankful. Oh Singapore, you will definitely be in my heart for as long as I live.

Mommy

Thank you for influencing me on your love for the written word. Whenever I feel guilty for buying too much books, I will always remember what you told me: Books are a worthy investment :)

Thank you for teaching me the value of delayed gratification. 

Thank you for reminding me that most of the time, less is more. You are simplicity-is-beauty personified.

Thank you because although you don't always express it verbally, I know that you've always got my back NO MATTER WHAT. 

Thank you for your tough love that ultimately made me a tougher person. 

Thank you for instilling in me the importance of being wise with my finances (although admittedly, I was a late bloomer in this area, sorry).

Thank you for sacrificing 7 years of your life working in a foreign country in order to give us a more comfortable life. 

Thank you for practically handing my Singapore permanent resident status to me on a silver platter despite my initial reluctance. Mothers do know best, because all my dreams came true when I relocated here.

Thank you for loving me, my siblings, and Daddy the best way you know how. You are the most selfless person that I know. I am proud and honored to be your daughter.

Happy Mother's Day to the most beautiful woman in the world. I love you so much, mommy. 

Marriage 101

It has been over a year since Erick and I got married, and every time we get asked "How's married life so far?", we find ourselves scrambling for words and end up answering something like "It's been great/fantastic/amazing/(insert synonymous adjective here)". It's the kind of question that is simply not answerable by only one sentence (unless, of course, it's an obvious small talk attempt -- which I'm really terrible at). Okay, this does not necessarily mean that E and I are cruising through married life smoothly. Of course we've been faced with hitches here and there just like any other couple. There's still so much to learn, understand and improve. But the end of the day, looking at the bigger picture, the adjectives 'great', 'fantastic', and 'amazing' are indeed pretty accurate to describe our marriage. This is made possible by God's abounding grace. I could not imagine a life not anchored in Him.

Some of our friends remarked that it seems like my husband and I never fight (judging by our social media posts). Well, that could not be farther from the truth. It's just that we choose not to expose our dirty laundry for the world to see. We don't want to call it 'fight'; we prefer 'misunderstanding'. I've rounded up some of our "best practices" as a married couple. I know that we still have a long way to go, but these really helped us a lot :)

Talk it out. Sometimes it is very tempting to leave a disagreement or misunderstanding as it is, because discussing it further could be: 1) exhausting 2) time-consuming 3) inconvenient 4) a trigger to make the issue bigger than it really is. I have to admit, I am guilty of this. I learned from my husband that love means willingness to talk things out with your partner -- yes, no matter how exhausting, time-consuming and inconvenient it can be. If you are both in it for the long haul, you will need to completely understand your partner's stand on certain things in order to avoid arguing over the same issue in the future. Do note that understanding and agreeing are two very different things. And sometimes, understanding is good enough to bridge the differences.

Surprise each other once in a while. Luckily, I have a husband who just looooves to spoil me silly. How can I even top his post-its with love messages stuck all over the room, no-occasion little gifts, the videos, random heartfelt love letters, flowers, etc. It does take effort to keep a marriage a happy and exciting one. Just knowing that there's this guy who would go all-out just to make me happy (he says he is happiest when I am happy) makes me feel like I'm the most loved person in the world. I think he took the mantra "Happy wife, happy life" way too seriously. Hehehe :D

Pray for and with each other. This is the absolute most important of all. A marriage rooted in prayer is one that is filled with love, strength and grace from the Lord. I am very grateful for the common prayer time that my husband and I share. We do have our separate prayer time, but praying together -- while holding each other's hands, reaffirming each other's thanksgiving and petitions, is just too precious. Sometimes we have our mini-praise and worship sessions wherein my husband would play the guitar and we'd sing together. These moments make my heart so happy. Absolutely priceless, I tell you.

Serve each other with love. Ideally, my husband and I would share responsibility over our household chores equally. However, there are times when he has take-home work which he has to do on weekends. This is where I take the initiative to do his part for him. He does the same for me when I'm the one who needs to work. I am proud to say that this is something that we have silently agreed upon. It just became automatic. It feels so good to do something for my husband especially when he didn't have to ask me to. Like I always say -- if something takes very little effort on your part, but makes the person you love extremely happy... you do it. Every time.

Go on a 'Me Time' every now and then. I just realized that in our 16 months as a married couple, the longest we've been apart is 19 hours. This was February last year, when I went to an all-girls overnight party, and he coincidentally had an all-boys thing as well. We missed each other too much, to think that we were apart for only less than a day! We're clingy like that, hahaha! Okay, so going back to my point -- for a couple like us who's together practically all the time (except office hours, haha), going on a 'ME time' is important. I have come up with this little list of advantages:

a.) The several hours you're not together will make you miss each other. I'm pretty sure your partner will appreciate the extra affection once you're together again. :p
b.) It makes for new conversation topics and learning points for the both of you.
c) It helps to secure your own identity as yourself, and not just as someone's wife.
d.) It has been proven to be healthy not only for a relationship, but also for YOU as an individual. Personally, a 'me time' well spent is hours of just me and my journal in a coffee shop, or anywhere I can find the luxury of silence. I find writing my heart out very therapeutic. It clears my head and gives me a fresh perspective on things.
e.) In relation to the point above, it will ultimately make you a better wife.

Forgive. During our canonical interview with our officiating priest, he reiterated to us that marriage requires a forgiving heart from both parties. Hurtful words will be exchanged, and you are bound to cause each other pain. But marriage is a lifetime covenant and quitting is not an option. I choose to think of it this way -- I am honoring God when I forgive my husband. God has forgiven me countless of times after all, who am I to deny forgiveness to someone who I consider His greatest gift to me? 

Choose your battles wisely. Condescending words, petty disagreements blown out of proportion, digging past issues, pushing the blame to your partner, refusing to talk and listen -- does these sound familiar to you? I am guilty of these things and more. Good news is, you can outgrow these eventually. Healthy arguments is the key. Over the course of our marriage, I'd like to think that Erick and I have grown wiser in choosing and handling our 'battles'. I'm not saying that we no longer fight at all, nor we are experts. Let's just say that we have gradually improved on the way we do it. Don't bother asking how we were during the earlier stage of our marriage. My husband was probably shocked to realize that he married someone with a mind of a 5-year-old kid, LOL. What usually works for us is asking ourselves: "Is this worth ruining the day/night/weekend for?" Most of the time, the answer is no :)

Explore new things together. I know some people who are afraid of marriage because it "kills the romance". I somehow understand where they're coming from because marriage equates to planning for the future, raising kids, saving up for the kids' education fund, and many other things. To keep our marriage fun and interesting, Erick and I like to travel together. It doesn't have to be grand - we've only been to Singapore's neighboring countries so far (Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia). We plan months in advance so we could score cheap plane tickets/travel packages. It's a good thing that it takes very little to make each other happy. If we don't have budget for travel, we just try out new restaurants or visit new parks together. You'd be surprised at how it can be just as fun too! 

I hope you learned a thing or two from what I've written here. If you have more married life tips, please send them my way, and I'll be eternally grateful :)

I love...

I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee. I love sunsets and sunrises that take my breath away. I love introducing people to new music. I love bone-crushing hugs. I love reading the Bible and jotting down beautiful, uplifting verses I come across in the process. I love sleeping in on a rainy day. I love people-watching from a high place up. I love it when an Eraserheads song randomly comes up in my shuffled iTunes library. I love singing in the shower. I love a light breeze on a warm day. I love long bus rides when I’m not in a hurry. I love walking barefoot through the sand. I love wearing a new outfit for the first time. I love writing to-do lists. I love traveling. I love drinking in teacups with my pinky finger out. I love answered prayers. I love straight lines and even numbers. I love chick flicks that make me go “aww.” I love forehead kisses. I love listening to live music. I love having an extra 20-minute nap in the train on the way to work. I love an organized and nicely-formatted Excel spreadsheet. I love Whatsapp conversations with my sister about anything and everything. I love high-speed internet. I love browsing through greeting cards. I love elderly couples holding hands.

I love possibilities. I love being inspired by something that I have to stop and jot it down. I love waking up at 7 am on a Saturday and realizing I can sleep a few more hours if I want to. I love dining outdoors. I love homemade anything. I love hearing from someone I haven’t heard from in ages. I love the kindness of strangers. I love making someone smile. I love knowing that I have a good book to get back to. I love optimism. I love being in awe. I love taking stolen shots of people. I love standing up for what I believe in. I love surprises. I love talking and talking and never running out of things to say. I love fresh air and natural light. I love browsing through old pictures and reminiscing the moments attached to them. I love knowing for a fact that my family will always be there for me no matter what. I love getting carried away with something. I love to write. I love to laugh. I love to learn.

I love winning board games. I love girls' night outs. I love inside jokes. I love a good Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, or Sex and the City marathon. I love keeping in touch. I love cuddle time with my husband. I love handwritten letters. I love from-the-pit-of-your-stomach laughter that almost brings you to tears. I love loving. I love love.

Five Happy Songs

I've always been in awe at how much music does to a person. It's like it has super powers that could turn your mood around in a snap of a finger. Just hearing a few notes of a song can flood your mind with memories you thought you've already buried deep in the ground. When I'm having a rough day, I turn to these songs for a pick-me-upper.

1. That Fresh Feeling - The Eels

Everything's just light and positive about this song! It's easy on the ears and has kilig-inducing lyrics that reminds me of the early stage of dating my husband <3 You don't have a clue | What it is like to be next to you

2. Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves

I had this really awesome idea of making this song my phone's alarm tone. It did lessen the sucky-ness of waking up so early on weekday mornings!

3. Better Together - Jack Johnson

This is one of my all-time favorite songs EVER. I love this song so much that we used it in one of the audio visual presentations in our wedding. This song will always make me think of my husband, especially the lines: Love is the answer | at least for most of the questions in my heart | Why we're here | where do we go | And how come it's so hard 

4. Built to Last - Melee

For some reason, the intro gives me a feeling of excitement. I discovered this song when I was single and in a soul-searching phase. It had such a positive effect on me. It made me feel hopeful that someday, I'll find myself being able to relate to the lyrics of the song :)

5. You Make My Dreams Come True - Hall and Oates

This one's a classic! I love how it's a happy, perky song all around. It's almost impossible to not be able to smile even for a little bit when you hear it. It will always remind me of the super adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer :)

There you go! I hope these songs somehow gave you a bit of sunshine today :) 

Throwback blogpost

(Posted on my LiveJournal on 29th August 2011)

Friday night, sleep over at Bell's. There were ten of us, sprawled on our own spots all over the place. I knew I fell asleep in the living room, curled up uncomfortably in one of the couches, then later on ended up on the sofa bed. Some four hours later, I heard familiar voices from the dining area and figured the others were up already. It was around eleven in the morning, if my memory serves me right. Still sleepy, I took it as a sign to wake up so we could get moving.

I opened my eyes, surprised to see Erick's face about five inches away from mine, smiling at me.

I smiled at him too. And I wasn't able to wipe off that stupid silly smile until I reached home (and even on random moments until today).

Had lunch and did some household chores with Kat when I got home. A couple of hours later, I received a Whatsapp message from an all too familiar name on my phone--Erick. He wanted me to know that he had a great morning because he woke up to me smiling at him. That message was undeniably cheesy (haha), and it caught me off guard. It made me happy nevertheless.

I've known him for barely three months. The way he came into my life and earned his spot there is a sweet surprise. We spend a lot of time together, we talk all the time, and we enjoy each other's company so much. I have no idea where this would lead to, but right now, he makes me happy in a way that no one else could. I love how he is very vocal about the way he appreciates me (Apparently I make him happy). I almost forgot how this feels like, to be someone's source of happiness.

So yes, I'm taking things one day, one step at a time; seriously trying to guard my heart and go easy on the expectations. A part of me tells me it's about time to "change perspectives"--which I actually prayed for when I was on the verge of losing hope on the other person. I think I'm starting to, and it scares me. I'm really trying to remain hopeful even though I have every reason to feel scared. And I don't want to pre-empt things because, in all honesty, I want to make this work.

-------------------

I was browsing through my old blogs and I found this! It made me so kilig reminiscing those days when E and I were just starting to fall for each other. This is why I try to write as much as I can -- to be able to relive precious moments like this, bringing back almost the exact same feeling I had in that exact moment :)

Moved

And we're done with the 1st quarter of 2015. I did not expect it to whizz by so fast! But I am glad it did because it means the countdown for Christmas is getting shorter. I am very thankful that I got to start the year together with my family in Manila. After two years of not being able to come home for Christmas, I really missed spending the holidays with my family. Time spent with them is always priceless. Gives my heart so much joy :)

We are now a family of 8 :) This was taken on January 3rd, the night before our flight back to Singapore. We had Jollibee chicken joy delivered at home. Family + Jollibee = pure, unadulterated happiness :)

I think I've mentioned it here how going back to Singapore gave me major separation anxiety. E and I were homesick during our first couple of weeks back. All we talked about was how much fun we had, wishing we could have had a longer vacation. Thank God for Facebook and Viber, which keeps us connected to our families even if we're a thousand miles apart.

I just realized that I went through two big moves this quarter. In February, E and I moved into a new flat in Ang Mo Kio (we're sharing the flat with my cousin and her husband). Yes, we said goodbye to Sengkang a.k.a. the best neighborhood ever :( It was just too far from my workplace, not to mention the bus and train fare that exceeds my monthly transpo allowance.

We have too many boxes. This is just two-thirds of them. We had to dispose a lot of stuff that we don't really need.

We were sad to leave Sengkang, but at the same time we're excited to explore what Ang Mo Kio has to offer. It was a pretty big adjustment for me, given that I lived in the purple line for the past 9 years. I have come to love our new parish, Christ the King church. Attending our first mass there made me feel right at home.

I love this charming and cozy church :)

So far, I am loving our new place. I love the privacy and peace and quiet. I love that I live with family -- people who I'm comfortable with --meaning, no need to adjust to strangers. And I love that E and I have our own bathroom. Haha :)

The second big move of the quarter was last March, when our company shifted to our new office. 

I had to say goodbye to my old super spacious desk. 

Boxes galore! I think my team and I packed (and unpacked) 100 boxes. I realized that it's easier to pack than to unpack. 

We had a little party to commemorate our last few days at our old building. Thanks to our big boss for the yummy food and beer! CHEERS!!!! :)

We just had to take one last group photo with the entrance of our old office as the backdrop. I will surely miss this place. Looking at this photo makes me feel so thankful to be part of this family :)

These two big moves made me realize that a certain place is only as good as the memories created in it. There's always going to be a sentimental value in something that you've been emotionally-attached to. It's sad to leave a place you've grown to love, but we can always make new memories wherever we settle. It's like being in a whole new getting-to-know-you stage once again, and that's what makes life more exciting :)

Questions

Today I woke up with an utter feeling of contentment. After prayers of thanksgiving have been said, it got me thinking...

What does it really mean to be content? 

Am I being too complacent? 

Do I dream big for myself and for my future family?

Do I make bold decisions?

Am I a brave risk-taker? 

Have  I become stagnant? (And if I have, is this a disservice to God?)

Is it okay to just bask in the contentment for a while? (And what exactly is the time frame of 'a while'?)

Am I exploring the abundance of options and possibilities around me?

Do I strive to be the best version of myself?

Clearly, this calls for a thorough self-check, stat. I want to be able to exhaust the opportunities for growth and self-improvement being thrown my way, and at the same time allow myself to sit back and savour the present. I need to learn how to strike a balance...

Kitchen Adventures

Our close friends and family know for a fact that in this marriage, it is E who (mostly) takes care of the cooking. I am the self-appointed dish-washer because, well, they say teamwork is key to a lasting marriage. ;-) But you know, I can actually make super delicious scrambled eggs (husband-approved!). Just putting it out there so you won't think I'm completely useless in the kitchen, haha.

Being able to wake up to freshly-prepared meals during weekends makes me immensely thankful to the Lord for blessing me with my husband. I mean, stereotypically speaking, it is usually the women who toil away in the kitchen. And yet I've got this guy who lovingly does it for me. It's one of his ways to treat me like a queen :) One day, while enjoying this act of service from my husband, I thought I also want him to feel the way he makes me feel. From there, I made it a personal goal to learn yummy (and healthy!) dishes that my husband could enjoy. Thanks to Pinterest and my kitchen diva friends, I can now proudly say that I can cook. Photographic proof below (I know I've been successful because my husband requests me to cook some of the dishes again haha):

Angel hair pasta with tuyo and spinach. I used gourmet tuyo (in a bottle) and lots and lots of garlic for this.

Baked honey soy chicken. This one's from Pinterest. I love how flavorful this dish is. It's fairly easy to make too. We ate it as a salad topping, although I can imagine how good it would be if paired with white steamed rice.

Pork steak. I had to ask my dear inay Miles for her recipe because E and I tasted her version one time and we absolutely loved it. I tried my best to follow her recipe to the T coz I was so scared to screw it up. E had three (3!!!!) cups of rice, so I guess it's safe to say that my version was a success :)

Three-cheese fusilli pasta. Okay, this one's a bit of a rip-off because I used ready-made Prego pasta sauce for this. BUT I added garlic, mushrooms, and SPAM cubes into it. Hehehe, am I a good cook or what??? Lol.

Chicken adobo. I used Cat Juan's recipe for this. It's my second attempt to replicate that recipe. I used pork in the first one (it's THE BEST, I swear). Unfortunately, it did not taste as good when I used chicken. Though the husband said it's still delicious.

Chicken spinach. Chicken breast fillet cubes cooked in garlic and butter, plus spinach. Easy peasy dish that can be cooked in less than 30 minutes. 

Roasted broccoli and cauliflower. I'm not particularly a fan of both vegetables, but I when I tried roasting it (drizzled with olive oil, sprinkled with salt, pepper and parmesan cheese), it magically turned into something I can eat everyday. E loves this so much too! The most tedious part is chopping the vegetables into florets. Roasting time is 30-45 minutes. A bit time-consuming, but totally worth it.

Okay, this one is not exactly a dish. It's the breakfast spread I prepared for the husband on Valentine's Day -- toasted bread with sharp cheddar, scrambled eggs, tomato + agurula, bananas, and our favorite Oldtown Hazelnut coffee. I prepared all these while E was still asleep. He was smiling from ear to ear when he woke up and saw this on the dining table. I love surprising him! I need to up my game for the next surprise :)

I wish to be able to add more to this growing 'portfolio' because nothing makes me happier than seeing my husband's eyes light up in delight because of something I did for him. I know that to him, the taste doesn't matter as much as the love and effort that I put into it :)

No Greater Love Than His

photo credit

It still blows my mind how someone could be so selfless to give up his own life for the sake of mankind. I remember watching The Passion of the Christ more than ten years ago. I was bawling my eyes out because I couldn't believe that Jesus went through such kind of sacrifice. The portrayal was so convincing, that I could almost feel Jesus' pain through my skin even if I was just watching it on the big screen. 

He went through unimaginable pain to redeem us from our sins. He died on the cross so we could live and receive God's overflowing grace. It may be overwhelming to be a recipient of such great love, but that's just the way it is -- whether we deserve it or not. Nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. There is nothing I can say, but THANK YOU LORD. It is an amazing privilege to be loved THIS MUCH by You. I pray that I could do something in this lifetime that could make me feel worthy of Your love. Thank You for everything.

Walk in the Park

I can’t even begin to express how HAPPY I am to be embracing the weekend right this moment! I’ve had a physically exhausting week, and I am so thankful for this day wherein I am not required to do anything, haha. I am thankful for the 10 glorious hours of sleep. Aaaaahhh, what a luxury.

E and I spent the first few hours of the day at Bishan Park where we had a morning stroll, followed by a heavenly brunch at McDonald’s.

Loooovely day! ♥ #messyhairdontcare Haha!

Grateful to have this pocket of greenery in our new neighborhood :)

Perfect Saturday morning view :)

There's a McDonald's branch tucked in a corner in the park. The reward of our long walk is our favorite McBreakfast :)

We did a bit of grocery-shopping before heading home, and we now have the entire afternoon all to ourselves. I LOVE IT! Of course, the domesticated part of me will do the laundry, change the sheets and cook something for the husband.

By the way, E’s work pass renewal just got approved for another two years. Praise God! To celebrate, we went to Jollibee for dinner last night. Hehehe :)

Thank You Lord for all the blessings :)

Good morning!

Helloooo Tuesday!! :) Faulty train at the circle line this morning. Got stuck at Caldecott station for more than 20 minutes. I was 30 minutes late for work, but that's okay.

Praise God the aircon inside the train was working. Otherwise, it would have been suffocating.

Praise God the train was sooo packed that even if I didn't hold on to a bar, I didn't go off-balance.

Praise God I didn't forget to spray cologne on my handkerchief today. #alamna Hehehe

Praise God I was wearing my most comfy flats today. My legs didn't ache even if I was standing for almost an hour.

Praise God I was feeling well this morning. (Been having headache these past few days)

Praise God I have my Joel Osteen podcasts on my iPhone. Aside from making the inconvenient and uncomfortable travel more than bearable, it was a great source of inspiration to get me through the day.

Praise God for my husband who prayed for me until he was sure that I reached the office safely.