It has been over a year since Erick and I got married, and every time we get asked "How's married life so far?", we find ourselves scrambling for words and end up answering something like "It's been great/fantastic/amazing/(insert synonymous adjective here)". It's the kind of question that is simply not answerable by only one sentence (unless, of course, it's an obvious small talk attempt -- which I'm really terrible at). Okay, this does not necessarily mean that E and I are cruising through married life smoothly. Of course we've been faced with hitches here and there just like any other couple. There's still so much to learn, understand and improve. But the end of the day, looking at the bigger picture, the adjectives 'great', 'fantastic', and 'amazing' are indeed pretty accurate to describe our marriage. This is made possible by God's abounding grace. I could not imagine a life not anchored in Him.
Some of our friends remarked that it seems like my husband and I never fight (judging by our social media posts). Well, that could not be farther from the truth. It's just that we choose not to expose our dirty laundry for the world to see. We don't want to call it 'fight'; we prefer 'misunderstanding'. I've rounded up some of our "best practices" as a married couple. I know that we still have a long way to go, but these really helped us a lot :)
Talk it out. Sometimes it is very tempting to leave a disagreement or misunderstanding as it is, because discussing it further could be: 1) exhausting 2) time-consuming 3) inconvenient 4) a trigger to make the issue bigger than it really is. I have to admit, I am guilty of this. I learned from my husband that love means willingness to talk things out with your partner -- yes, no matter how exhausting, time-consuming and inconvenient it can be. If you are both in it for the long haul, you will need to completely understand your partner's stand on certain things in order to avoid arguing over the same issue in the future. Do note that understanding and agreeing are two very different things. And sometimes, understanding is good enough to bridge the differences.
Surprise each other once in a while. Luckily, I have a husband who just looooves to spoil me silly. How can I even top his post-its with love messages stuck all over the room, no-occasion little gifts, the videos, random heartfelt love letters, flowers, etc. It does take effort to keep a marriage a happy and exciting one. Just knowing that there's this guy who would go all-out just to make me happy (he says he is happiest when I am happy) makes me feel like I'm the most loved person in the world. I think he took the mantra "Happy wife, happy life" way too seriously. Hehehe :D
Pray for and with each other. This is the absolute most important of all. A marriage rooted in prayer is one that is filled with love, strength and grace from the Lord. I am very grateful for the common prayer time that my husband and I share. We do have our separate prayer time, but praying together -- while holding each other's hands, reaffirming each other's thanksgiving and petitions, is just too precious. Sometimes we have our mini-praise and worship sessions wherein my husband would play the guitar and we'd sing together. These moments make my heart so happy. Absolutely priceless, I tell you.
Serve each other with love. Ideally, my husband and I would share responsibility over our household chores equally. However, there are times when he has take-home work which he has to do on weekends. This is where I take the initiative to do his part for him. He does the same for me when I'm the one who needs to work. I am proud to say that this is something that we have silently agreed upon. It just became automatic. It feels so good to do something for my husband especially when he didn't have to ask me to. Like I always say -- if something takes very little effort on your part, but makes the person you love extremely happy... you do it. Every time.
Go on a 'Me Time' every now and then. I just realized that in our 16 months as a married couple, the longest we've been apart is 19 hours. This was February last year, when I went to an all-girls overnight party, and he coincidentally had an all-boys thing as well. We missed each other too much, to think that we were apart for only less than a day! We're clingy like that, hahaha! Okay, so going back to my point -- for a couple like us who's together practically all the time (except office hours, haha), going on a 'ME time' is important. I have come up with this little list of advantages:
a.) The several hours you're not together will make you miss each other. I'm pretty sure your partner will appreciate the extra affection once you're together again. :p
b.) It makes for new conversation topics and learning points for the both of you.
c) It helps to secure your own identity as yourself, and not just as someone's wife.
d.) It has been proven to be healthy not only for a relationship, but also for YOU as an individual. Personally, a 'me time' well spent is hours of just me and my journal in a coffee shop, or anywhere I can find the luxury of silence. I find writing my heart out very therapeutic. It clears my head and gives me a fresh perspective on things.
e.) In relation to the point above, it will ultimately make you a better wife.
Forgive. During our canonical interview with our officiating priest, he reiterated to us that marriage requires a forgiving heart from both parties. Hurtful words will be exchanged, and you are bound to cause each other pain. But marriage is a lifetime covenant and quitting is not an option. I choose to think of it this way -- I am honoring God when I forgive my husband. God has forgiven me countless of times after all, who am I to deny forgiveness to someone who I consider His greatest gift to me?
Choose your battles wisely. Condescending words, petty disagreements blown out of proportion, digging past issues, pushing the blame to your partner, refusing to talk and listen -- does these sound familiar to you? I am guilty of these things and more. Good news is, you can outgrow these eventually. Healthy arguments is the key. Over the course of our marriage, I'd like to think that Erick and I have grown wiser in choosing and handling our 'battles'. I'm not saying that we no longer fight at all, nor we are experts. Let's just say that we have gradually improved on the way we do it. Don't bother asking how we were during the earlier stage of our marriage. My husband was probably shocked to realize that he married someone with a mind of a 5-year-old kid, LOL. What usually works for us is asking ourselves: "Is this worth ruining the day/night/weekend for?" Most of the time, the answer is no :)
Explore new things together. I know some people who are afraid of marriage because it "kills the romance". I somehow understand where they're coming from because marriage equates to planning for the future, raising kids, saving up for the kids' education fund, and many other things. To keep our marriage fun and interesting, Erick and I like to travel together. It doesn't have to be grand - we've only been to Singapore's neighboring countries so far (Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia). We plan months in advance so we could score cheap plane tickets/travel packages. It's a good thing that it takes very little to make each other happy. If we don't have budget for travel, we just try out new restaurants or visit new parks together. You'd be surprised at how it can be just as fun too!
I hope you learned a thing or two from what I've written here. If you have more married life tips, please send them my way, and I'll be eternally grateful :)
