Almost 4 Months

Dear Emilia,

You have learned to sleep through the night since last month. As much as I have long been waiting for you to sleep longer stretches at night, I honestly did not expect it to be this soon. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. Not at all. In fact, I am thankful - very, very thankful! I don't think I've slept for more than 3 hours straight since you were born, so I was really looking forward to this milestone. But you know what, I have not enjoyed my long-awaited extended sleeping hours yet. I know - crazy, right? But what can I do? Nothing makes me happier than watching you sleep.

I live for those moments when I catch you smiling or giggling in your sleep. I wonder what you're dreaming of. Sometimes you'd raise your arm and it stays up in the air for about 15 seconds. I don't know why you do it but it's so cute and funny.

You hate being swaddled (since birth actually) and the blanket annoys you that you kick it off profusely. You cry when you're hungry, but you cry much louder when the milk I give you falls short. My darling, you know what you like and dislike, and you make sure we know it. That's quite a feat for an almost 4-month-old.

I live for our 5am moments: You wake up, I feed you, you'd fall asleep again and I'd hold you on my chest for a while before putting you back into the bed/crib. What's supposed to be just 15 minutes would go on for at least an hour because I decide to hold you a little longer. At the back of my mind I think I could use this hour to catch up on sleep or do things that need to be done or spend some me-time. But then I realize you won't be this small forever. At the rate you're growing, it won't be too long before this position would get uncomfortable for the both of us. And so I hold you a little longer, always. I feel so thankful that God chose me to be your mommy.

I love you always, my little darling - whether you sleep through the night or not.

Month 1

Dear Emilia, 

I can't believe it has been a month since the day you came and changed my and your Dad's lives forever. You arrived three weeks earlier than expected, but your weight and height are just as good as a full-term baby's. I prayed that you would grow inside my womb until at least my 38th week and that I would be able to give birth to you naturally. These did not happen, but all for a good reason. I found out three days after your birth that you were born with your umbilical cord looped around your neck. God allowed my bag of waters to rupture prematurely on my 35th week so He could save you from extreme harm. Your birth is a miracle, my love. You are our little miracle. Your birth is a solid testament of God's goodness and faithfulness. My unanswered prayer is the reason why you are here with us now. Indeed, God knows what is best for us.

The past month went by so quickly! It has not been all that easy for the both of us - we are still adjusting and getting to know each other. But I am thankful that you are a relatively easy baby. You don't cry often, but when you do, you make sure everyone in the house knows! Your Lola Tess and Lolo Arnold would rush into our room worried because of your loud cry -- only to find out that you just want more milk. 

I'm very grateful that I recovered pretty quickly, so I was able to carry you without difficulty when we brought you home. I feel very lucky because your Dad and I are able to appease you almost immediately whenever you cry -- it's either you're hungry, your diaper is soiled, you want to be held, or currently being bathed. You cry hardest during bath time. Your Dad and I pray that you'd learn to love the water soon enough.  

Everyone says you look like your Daddy, and I sure am happy about it. I think you got your sweetness from him too. I love how you'd touch my face whenever I feed you and how you'd give me a sleepy-smile after, as though saying "Thank you mommy." Your Dad adores you and takes very good care of the both of us. He changes your diapers, sings and dances for you until you fall asleep, and if he could breastfeed you, I'm sure he totally would. We are blessed beyond words to have such a loving and dedicated man in our lives. We're lucky girls, you and I. 

Everything is a production number lately -- leaving the house (even just for a pedia appointment), bathing you, changing a poop-filled diaper. Don't worry, my darling, I am learning to make things more efficient as we go along. 

Ah, yes, learning. I've been learning so much these days -- honestly sometimes more than I could handle. The past month was about me learning to be a mother to you, my love. To be a good mother is a different story. It will take time, but please know that I am trying my hardest to be one for you, so I hope you'll be patient with me :) What I love most is learning about you -- your various facial expressions, what each kind of cry means, your most comfortable sleeping position, what irritates you... everything. It brings me great joy knowing every little thing about you. 

It's crazy how so much can change in just a month! Our lives revolve around you now, my little one. You are our life. 

I love you so much you have no idea. 

Love,

Mommy

I'm a Mommy

It's official. I am now a mommy. I am someone's mother. Wow, it all sounds so surreal to me. Nine months went by just like that, and here we are. I will write about my birth story when we have settled nicely. In the meantime, here are some photos of our daughter (seriously surreal!) :)

Pouting already at 2 days old, hahaha!

Isn't she lovely?

Yummy and pretty Estrel's cake from Ninang Kat and Ninong Christian :)

Aaaaaahhhhh my heart!!!!! So much love!

My husband and I with our little miracle ♥︎

I also want to take this opportunity to honor my husband for the amazing love and support he has showered me with from the day we found out about my pregnancy until the day I gave birth. I really could not have done this without him. 

Thank You Lord for the gift of our daughter Emilia. We are now a family of three :) Praise God!

31 weeks

...and looking like I just swallowed a whole watermelon, hahaha! I've been waddling like a penguin, but the truth is, this is the sexiest and most beautiful I've ever felt (my husband telling me EVERYDAY that pregnancy makes me look glowing accounts for a lot of it, haha). The way this pregnancy is going is too good to be true. Everyday I thank God for this journey that I am loving every single second of.

We went for a 4D scan last week and we're thrilled to see our baby in a more detailed image! 

The sonographer said she could have captured better stills if Emilia wasn't positioned so cozily in my uterine wall. But I'm pretty pleased with what we got - and judging from these images, our little girl looks a lot like her Daddy :) 

So thankful to have scored cheap Singapore Airlines tickets. 17 more days until E and I fly back home! It feels so surreal having to prepare to GIVE BIRTH. I cannot believe that I am THISCLOSE to living my greatest dream - to be a mother. I cannot say this enough: THANK YOU LORD! 

Final Stretch

Let me start this post by announcing that we are having a baby GIRL! We found out on Week 20 during the Fetal Anomaly scan. When the ultrasound lady said "It's a girl", my heart did flips, and I was speechless. E and I grinned at each other and it just felt...right.

We are absolutely thrilled and blessed and so, so thankful! Not just that we get to have a daughter, but that she is healthy, growing, and kicking away at my bladder all the livelong day. As you may have probably guessed, I have started daydreaming about cute little shoes and picturing my husband having tea parties with stuffed animals. Aaaaaahhhh, my heart :)

It has been over 3 months since my last post, and now I am entering the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. I often ask myself HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SO FAST?! I cannot wait to meet my baby, but at the same time, I do not want this pregnancy to end because I've been at the receiving end of so much love and kindness from people around me (friends and strangers alike) since I got pregnant. (Also, admittedly, I am worried about how I'd handle labor pains considering that I have very low pain threshold - but that's another story)

Me and my 6 and a half months baby bump :) Pic taken on Valentine's Day at Haji Lane

I am so thankful that I am having a fairly smooth pregnancy so far. A lot of people can't believe that I did not have any morning sickness at all. From the start of my pregnancy until now, I am happy to report that I am able to do things and move around as per normal. Well, probably just a little slower in walking now, because my baby is getting heavier by the day. Everything's right on track so far, I do not need to take any special medication, and I'm gaining a healthy amount of weight (actually much lesser than expected - which is a surprise to me because I am not cutting down on my food intake). I have not encountered any kind of intolerable pain, just leg cramps in the middle of the night when I was on Week 22 -- which was easily dissipated by my husband's massages and by doing ankle stretches throughout the day.

I am so thankful for being able to experience the kind of pregnancy that I actually ENJOY. Like what I told my husband, I do adore every minute of being pregnant. One time when I was about to fall asleep on my desk at work, my baby kicked me and jolted me awake. This baby has impeccable timing, and she's not yet even born! Haha. I love not ever having to feel alone because this ninja baby has her way of reminding me that she's here inside my tummy. I love how during story time, she'll kick upon hearing her Dad's voice. She's going to be such a Daddy's girl, I'm sure of it :)

I am so thankful that I have lots of mommy friends who are very generous in giving not only advices, but also unused/pre-loved baby stuff. My sister who just gave birth last December promised to share with me everything she knows about how to care for a newborn baby. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I am glad I have the best tribe I could ever ask for.

I am so thankful that my husband purposely immersed himself in this pregnancy. He prepares healthy meals for me, massages my feet and back, carries things for me, and has really extended his patience with me (hello, wild mood swings!). Basically, he makes everything easier and more convenient for me as much as possible. He says it's the least he can do since it's HIS child I am carrying after all ;-)

I couldn't be more amazed and in awe of how blessed this pregnancy has been! Whenever I start to panic or stress over how unprepared and inadequate I feel I am, I will keep in mind that God has been preparing me for this even before the slightest hint of having a baby crossed my mind. My baby and I are blessed beyond words, and for that, I am very, VERY thankful.

Why Daddy Will Be Your Favorite

As difficult as it is for me to concede defeat in anything (of which my husband has become painfully aware over the years, haha), I reluctantly admitted today that our future child is going to like his/her Daddy more than me. Happy Birthday to my amazing husband.

Why Daddy will be your favorite:

1. He gets giddy whenever we talk about you in a way I’ve never seen him get giddy about anything before. He already talks about the things he want to teach you, places he want to bring you to, games he want to play with you — and you aren’t even here yet!

2. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. Stress doesn’t phase him. He doesn’t yell. He never lets negative emotions or insecurities get the best of him. His priorities are 100% sorted out, and you’re at the top of the list.

3. He is just plain fun. He’s just plain funny. He’s going to have you laughing even when you think you should be embarrassed by him. He’s going to make you laugh whether you want to or not. I have lots of personal experience with this one.

4. He provides for us. He works hard, he’s good at what he does, and he’s generous with his money. He’ll buy you that extra scoop of ice cream whenever you want it, and will most likely start saving up for your college education even before you learn how to talk. I feel so confident that you will not be deprived of anything due to lack of finances, and someday when you’re old enough, you’ll appreciate this just as much as I do.

5. He won’t hold his breath at any chance of you hurting yourself. He’ll let you do crazy things that I would probably never let you do, and he won’t flap his hands screeching, “be careful be careful be careful!!!” like I probably will. But I will dress you better, keep in mind!

6. He’s a man of God who is wholeheartedly after what God is after. He prays for you everyday already and absolutely cannot wait to teach you the reason why we pray someday.

7. He will happily buy you the toys that you want, being a toy lover himself. This will probably be an issue someday, because I’m a books-over-toys kind of mom. I’m sure this will be reason enough for you to think that your Dad is the coolest guy on earth. And honestly, I wouldn’t disagree with you.

8. He has a wide collection of Walt Disney movies and is already excited to watch them with you. He’s also already very excited to read stories to you while doing all the voices and actions. He’s a very animated storyteller, which makes him an awesome one. Secretly, this kind of stuff is the reason why he’s MY favorite too.

Why you’ll still love Mommy a lot:

1. I picked him for us :)

To our little darling

Dear Baby,

Once you've arrived and life becomes busier than ever, I promise to remember these moments.

When I first found out about you. Seeing you for the first time, even though you were only the size of a peanut. The first time I felt you flutter. All the times you've kept me company during a long day at work, each morning in bed before the alarm rings, or whenever I'm feeling just a little bit lonely. The way you've planted yourself into every minute of my day, reminding me that you're there. The peace you've brought to my crazy mind. The way you've already filled me with so much more love than I ever imagined possible.

I promise to be thankful for you every day. To always count my blessings. To learn each and every little thing about you. To cherish each of those first days, weeks, months. To take each moment as it comes and strive for joy, not perfection.

I promise to remember that story-time can sometimes be the best part of the day, that imagination is sometimes a little more important than real life. I promise to teach you to read, to sing, to color inside (and sometimes outside) the lines. I promise to be there for each new moment in your new life. I promise you will always feel safe, loved, and needed.

When you arrive, my life will be forever changed. I wonder what the rest of the journey to your birth will be like. I wonder what sort of toes you'll have, what your cry will sound like, what it will feel like to kiss your forehead, whether you will have your Daddy's eyes or mine.

And I absolutely, completely and entirely can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Mommy